You know, a
blog can be a dangerous thing, especially when we are angry. But it can also be a good thing too, after we've calmed down, had time to process a volatile situation and share what we
have learned through the grace of God.
Two weeks
ago I ordered Mark Batterson’s, The Circle Maker, and was more than excited
about reading it. UPS delivered it last
Tuesday and as soon as I got home, I began devouring the pages. I wouldn't finish many pages without stopping
and applying what I had read to prayer.
I walked circles inside and outside my house praying. The Holy Spirit even prompted me to go to
another friend’s house and pray circles around her and I obeyed. While at her house, we began talking about
what was going on in her life and I shared with her what the Holy Spirit had
revealed to me while praying for her.
She said everything I said was confirmation for her because God had
already spoke to her about the things I shared.
It was a short but great visit and I was on fire for my new prayer life.
I came home,
fixed dinner for my family and read more of the book. It was smooth sailing Tuesday night. Wow, I thought. I felt more “holy confidence” that I had in a
long time…I guess the same way the Israelites felt as they crossed the Jordan
River on dry ground and crossed on over into the Promised Land. But little did I know, that was the calm
before the storm. I will not go in to
detail about the rest of the story but I will tell you this. I fought Satan the next day. It was a sucker punch to the gut and the wind
was knocked out of my sails. I found
myself flat on my face in the Sanctuary of the church sobbing (sorry Altar
Guild…I think I left some mascara on the carpet in front of the altar rail)
asking God why? How could something get
so twisted and turned and hurtful toward someone who tried so hard to follow
Him? And as I lay there trying to catch
my breath, I heard God whisper ‘I will bless them when people mock them,
persecute them and lie about them and say all sorts of evil things against them
because they are my followers’. I had
heard that verse many times but Tuesday morning, I saw the verse come to
life. By the way, that is Matthew 5:11
(I had to look it up).
And that is
only one of many verses God spoke to me over the next several days concerning
this event. In my flesh, I wanted so bad
to lash out and hurt them for hurting me but in my spirit, I knew I was to keep
my mouth shut. Vengeance is God’s, not
mine. And normally when something like
that happens to someone I know, I don’t react in such a way but you know what
else God revealed to me in all this? He
is giving me a heart to see people the way He sees them because I had asked Him
to break my heart for what breaks His heart…and He did. You see, those weren't MY tears being shed,
those were God’s tears being shed because one of his children were being made
out to be something they aren't. And isn't that just like our enemy? His main
purpose in life is to kill, steal and destroy and boy was he all over this. God spoke to me and shed light on several
different things during this ordeal (another one being the purity of my heart
needing some more work) and I have been journaling and meditating on things.
So you may
be wondering what I did after all this happened? I will tell you one thing I DIDN'T do……pick
up that book! Nope. If I had encountered such opposition from
Satan for 40 something pages I had read, then I certainly wasn't going to continue
on because that’s just asking for it, right?
So for the next 5 days, I just read my Bible and another book about
youth ministry. I wasn't about to pick
that book back up and start again because I wasn't sure I could withstand
another attack by the enemy. I mean just
the thought of it brought tears to my eyes.
So yesterday, my pastor asked me how far I had gotten in the book
because I was so excited about reading it last week. I was real honest with him and told him I wasn't sure just when I would get back to it because since reading those first
40+ pages, I had been under attack. He
said, “You can’t let a little opposition from the enemy stop you Dana. Pick it back up.”
I guess I
needed a little “spurring” on because I rustled the book out of the bottom of
my bag and opened it to where I had stopped.
And the words lept off the page and into my spirit. If I hadn't picked it back up, then I wouldn't have read this next nugget of gold:
In order to
experience a miracle, you have to take a risk.
And one of the most difficult types of risks to take is risking your
reputation. The greatest chapters in
history always begin with risk, and the same is true with the chapters of your
life. If you’re unwilling to risk your
reputation, you’ll never build the boat like Noah or get out of the boat like
Peter. You cannot build God’s reputation
if you aren't willing to risk yours.
My
reputation isn't perfect. I have screwed
up some major things in my life and I guess that is why I try not to be as
judgmental of others. God loved me in
spite of my mistakes and has thankfully used those mistakes to make me
wiser. He has used my past messes and
turned them into messages to help others who are traveling the same road I traveled. And you know what, He will you
those people to help others who haven’t traveled that road yet but will in the
future. God has a way of humbling us so
we ought not think too highly of ourselves and too lowly of others
struggles…because our (or our kids or grand-kid) reputations may be on the
line! But God changes our reputations
when He changes our life. As I share
some of my struggles with people, they are amazed because I seem to “have it
all together”…well, I don’t. I’m
travelling the same road as many of you except I now choose to walk beside
Jesus instead of doing it my way.
Until next
time…….
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